The Next Conversation - Jefferson Fisher

Do I Recommend This Book?

Yes, but it's for skimming. There are some warming stories involved, with unexpected twists.

Who Should Buy This Book: Poor Conversationalists Who Have Difficult Conversations, and Client Facing MBAs

I for one, am particularly bad at conversations. It's a personal thing; I always try to relate to others, by sharing my own experience of the topic at hand ( and it's something I'm working on ). Sometimes I have been known to go on a bit. Inevitably, I bore, perhaps even offend, the other party - "Why is this fool talking about themselves! Will it ever end??".

So, books like this, ( and this is a great example ), are useful books to learn how to speak or engage with others. It not only outlines navigation of difficult conversations, but provides a few direct tips. 'If you're challenged in this way, try these three steps', 'If you're challenged in that way, follow these two steps', et cetera. The foundation of this is Fisher's: Control, Confidence, Connect.

I'm not going to memorize the steps, but I will ruminate on the gist of the book for a while. It opened a door somewhere in my mind. It is a fine, readable page-turner, that sheds a little light on the complexity of communication. The advice is actionable; how well it bears fruit I cannot say. It is an optimistic book, that believes in the best of others grace, forgiveness, and understanding.

I believe the first chapter is the most enlightening: "Never Win an Argument". When you win an argument, you may feel on top of the world; but you've probably damaged a worthwhile relationship. You'll get more out of the conversation by searching for genuine connection.

The Positives

Engaging

Well written, and skimable. Generally to the point. Anecdotes leave the reader interested.

Respectful

The advice in this book depends on humanities' essential goodness. Respect that others are entire oceans, even universes, of being; infinitely complex, and ever-changing. When you are met with anger, it's unlikely to be intentionally meant. Anger most commonly rises out of confusion, mistake, or pain; it is exceedingly rare to come from a place of hatred and harmfulness. So be kind, considerate, and open. Nor need you understand someone, to offer them respect.

Some Genuinely Useful Tidbits

There are small recommendations that are great, for example:

• When rejecting someone don't say "Thanks but, I can't because of... insert reason here" Instead, say:
• "I can't, but thanks... for thinking of me, I hope you have a nice time" If they insist, repeat your initial declination:
• "I can't" Which should clarify exactly where you stand. Don't let yourself get sucked into things; be intentional.

The Negatives

This Could Be an Article

At the back of book, is the "47 Second Summary". The summary misses out much specific advice contained within the book; however, I feel that much of this book retraces familiar ground. I learned something meaningful from this book; but perhaps this information could be condensed into a long-form article. I can respect, however, some would prefer a book.