11-01-2022

11-Jan-2022 888 words 5 minutes Communication

EQ Workshop

feedback - a response
constructive feedback
neutral feedback
destructive feedback
feedback is a skill
construct some feedback for pretend Dana, who's being less self-aware
be direct to Workshop Leader
overtalkiness
Workshop Leader, I need to speak with you for a moment. It might sting a little, though it's not intended to - deep breath
really appreciate for facilitating
but recently been reflecting on how we work together, and my style of working requires a little more time to formulate thoughts, and patience in communicating - I think we have conflicting styles of communicating, but together we can move forward - I'd like to ask for a little more space when we're communicating

Room 1 Giving Feedback is challenging

starting confrontation
unknown result
taking responsibility for another persons emotions
can devolve into argument tit-for-tat
what might they say to me
some people can be unaware
how long has this person been thinking this
potential repurcussions upon oneself
standing one's ground
self doubt in ones own feedback
on behaviour not personality

Room 2 Receiving feedback is challenging

can invoke a defensive response, ego can be crushed, feedback challenges self-image, makes you aware you acting a certain way and/or you weren’t perceived as intended, perception of feedback can be negative - flight or fight instinct can kick in so we get defensive, blame others, if we are not ready or expecting the feedback it can be hard to take, if from a boss can feel gutted we have disappointed them

6 core needs

ego

love
significance
certainty
uncertainty

soul

growth
contribution

Be confident in imperfection. Be in a constant dynamic state - we're always changing, for better and worse simultaeneously. Being aware of that dynamic state is emotionally and intellectually draining.

Feedback

the response, both initial and in duration
love & acceptance vs learning & growth
is kind - it takes a lot to give feedback
empowers the receiver - the receiver is the gatekeeper
actively ask for feedback
be assertive, have boundaries ( how do i define those boundaries )
self awareness

3 feedback triggers

truth triggers - seems wrong or off target
relationship triggers - something aboout out relationship with the person
identity triggers - undermines how we see ourselves

wrong spotting

dont change yourself? what about changing oneself to some extent for others?

know thyself

happiness?

oxford happiness index

swing

how far are your extremes

recovery and sustain

how long does it take to return to your baseline happiness

How do we build resilience

understanding yourself can help dismantle distortions

helps build empathy for those different to yourself

understand feedback

Appreciation - acknowledge, connect, motivate, reassure, thank "I enjoyed"
Evaluation - rate or rank against standards, align expectations
Coaching - to help another expand knowledge, sharpen skill, improve capability

even poorly delivered feedback is useful

appreciate people

use a feedback framework

ASK

A - actionable S - specific K - kind

Actionable

the receiver can DIRECTLY DO something about their feedback
based on real evidence, not stories

Specific

be clear on what you want to say
put yourself in their shoes

Kind

Remember the goal of feedback
hard to receive feedback when dealing eith emotional hurt from a feedback

Communication Stances

don't be a doormat and let people walk all over you
don't be a weapon; dont be autocratic
be a lantern - try to be responsible for yourself within a team
transactional analysis

Overall tips for giving

check in yourself before giving feedback - is it appropriate?
- what is the purpose of the feedback
- communication stance
Ask permission to give feedback, respect their boundaries
State the purpose of the feedback
give specific feedback
be timely, direct, respectful
offer follow up steps
thank them for being there to listen
do you have any feedback for me

Overall tips for receiving feedback

make sure you're in the right headspace
know your feedback profile
monitor triggers
try to listen attentively with an open mind
we all have blind spots
take time to weigh and respond

Giving feedback is kind

The Shit Sandwich

has to be really genuine
"you seem a bit frustrated" - the shit sandwich requires a gentle entry
put a boundary down

chapter 8

Hashes

the more objects an array contains, the more difficult it can be to understand
array elements are a single object
hash elements are two objects, one used as reference to another
in ruby, most things you manipulate are objects
- exceptions include Methods, Operators, and blocks
with an array, a value can be selected by calling array[i]
a varible can be put into an array at a given position using - array = [i]
in this way the integer is, esimiliar in function ( but not practice ) to a key within a hash
within a hash, ANY OBJECT can be used as a key
- hash = { String.new("first item") => 1, 44.2 => 2, Object.new => 3 }
a hash value can be accessed in a similiar way to an array value map[objKey]
a good option for a hash in ruby, is to use a symbol:- an immutable string
- :"symbol1" :"symbol2" or even :symbol3 (it's still a string but uses syntactic sugar )
- this kind of structure is often called a dictionary or a lookup table

hashes are useful for refactoring a set of conditional statements

my_hash = { :my_array => ["an", "array", "containing", "elements"] }

my_hash[:my_array].delete_at(0)
my_hash[:my_array].push("like").push("this")

my_hash

{"my_array"=>["array", "containing", "elements", "like", "this"]}

looping through hashtables

my_favourite_things = { :sport => "golf", :music => "classical" }

my_favourite_things.each do |key, value|
	logic per key && value
end